


Human Qualities

by ishiptheships



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, SMUT IN THE SECOND ARC OK, Slow Burn Romance, Warning: attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishiptheships/pseuds/ishiptheships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl struggles with her feelings for Amethyst, until one day, Amethyst is gone. </p><p>Three Arc story. Slow burn romance. Smut in second arc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First Arc is called Sedimentary. It'll probably last around 14 chapters. 
> 
> Oh boy, here we go!

Pearl turned away, but it didn’t stop the bright pink light from burning her closed eyes, dry from her crying.

It was night. Waves crashed against the beige sand as Pearl stood with shaky legs at the cave-like opening of the temple. The city slept, the ocean was quiet, but the temple was teeming with activity, and though the ground below her ballet flats was rock solid, Pearl felt her world crumble to pieces. Behind her, there was mingled yelling: Amethyst and Greg’s hectic shouts mingled with Garnet’s low, reassuring voice.  It all sounded so distant. Muffled.

Then an infant’s cry cut through the night, shattering Pearl’s conscious to nothingness. She was gone.

Rose was gone.

Pearl wished she wasn’t angry at Rose, but she felt betrayed. She had begged her not to go through the pregnancy; Rose was _capable_ of having a normal human child, but she chose to sacrifice herself to create this new…hybrid. And with that final flash of light, she was gone. After all they had been through, after the thousands of years they fought side by side, after all of the times they fused, after all of the times they—

Rose was everything to her. Rose made her stronger. Rose made her who she was. If she hadn’t found her that day thousands of years ago, Pearl would have never learned to fight, never learned how wrong Homeworld was, never learned how to _love_.

So _why_. Why did she give up everything she was…for an infant?

The baby’s cry grew stronger, and Pearl finally turned around to look at her fellow gems and the new child in Greg’s arms. Greg cradled the dark-haired baby in his arms, a glow reflecting off his shirt from gem placed securely on the baby’s navel. Greg did not smile, but he held the baby, gingerly rubbing his thumb against his son to soothe him. Garnet loomed over the baby, her finger somberly stroking the baby’s face, keeping her hard gem away from him. Her expression was unreadable through her visors. Amethyst already had run over to Pearl to grab her arm and drag to her to the group.

“Peeearrrl!” Amethyst’s hand grabbed Pearl’s. “Come see Steven!”

Pearl let herself be dragged by the tinier gem, her feet stumbling from her lack of stability. She silently followed until she saw the tiny gem-human, his face contorted into a grimace as he cried, his tiny voice piercing Pearl’s ears. Fat fists hit the air, the gem on his belly pulsing with a faint light.

“Isn’t he cute!” Amethyst looked up at Pearl expectantly.

Pearl frowned, tears forming in her eyes. Swallowing a sob, she pried herself from Amethyst’s strong grip and walked towards the temple door.

Feeling as if every emotion had been drained out of her, she walked heavily into her room with a flash of white light, walking on top of the cool water.  She felt hollow. Her spindly legs shook. There wasn’t any point to anything anymore. She was dead. Rose was dead. What was she without her?

Reaching to her forehead, she began to pull her spear out of her gem, and with all the strength she had left, yanked it out. Holding her spear in front of her, she gripped it tightly until her muscles quaked. How ironic that the single object created by her gem would be the thing to destroy it.

Questions stampeded through her mind. How hard would she have to stab herself to break her pearl? She wasn’t as strong as a quartz or a diamond, so it _must_ be possible. Back on Homeworld, she heard of Pearls and Peridots destroying their gems, but most would return as various body parts. She doubted they were sentient, but the thought was disturbing. Did…did she really want to go through with it?

Pearl squeezed her eyes shut, stray tears rolling down her face. Angling her spear at her forehead, she decided. She had thought about this the past…how many months? Years, even?

With a breath, time slowed. She thrusted her spear and the door opened to her room immediately. A small purple figure screamed Pearl’s name, the fear and horror in her tone dangling in the air like hanged corpses. Panic filled Pearl as she suddenly turned last second, Amethyst’s horrified expression branded into Pearl’s mind. Before she could stop herself, the spear impaled her, through her left eye, barely missing her gem.

“A-Amethyst, I—“ Pearl’s voice shook as her legs gave into the pain, her form falling, tears flowing freely down her face mingling with blue pearlescent blood pouring down her cheek. The pain was nothing to Amethyst running up to her, water splashing wildly, grabbing her to hoist her up, trying to wipe the tears on her violet face.

Then she was gone, Amethyst’s hands grasping empty air.


	2. Sentiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some good pearl and amethyst bonding. 
> 
> when i say slow burn i mean SLOWW

“Pearl, let’s get moving.”

Pearl whipped her head towards the leader of the Crystal Gems, holding her spear in her left hand. In front of her, Garnet held up a large palm leaf to clear the way with her bare hand, the other weighed down by her large gauntlet. Pearl nodded shortly before ducking under the larger gem’s arm, sweat beading at her temple.

“Geeeez, couldn’t we have picked a less _sticky_ place to go on a mission?” Pearl glanced sideways at the violet gem to her right who picked up her large mane of hair with her hand, trying to fan herself.

Pearl rolled her eyes; although, the Amazonian jungle wasn’t her favorite place to spend her time either. She turned to the younger gem, almost walking into another large leaf dabbled in rain water. “Amethyst, we don’t choose where we have missions. Can’t you shapeshift shorter hair?”

“ _Yeah_ , but I don’t wanna get rid of these gorgeous locks, P.” Amethyst winked at her, summoning another exaggerated eye roll from Pearl, who tried to suppress a blush. Amethyst phased herself a small purple hair tie that contrasted nicely with her lavender hair and tied her hair back, mumbling. “What are we doin’ here anyway…”

Garnet swiped away a stray vine. “While Peridot is trying to finish up the drill back at the barn, we need to start destroying all possible contact with Homeworld.”

Pearl cringed. After Peridot’s outburst to Yellow Diamond only few days before, there was both relief and panic within the group; Peridot was now on their side, but her defection probably made the Yellow Authority more angry then they wanted her to be. They only had one more possible line to Homeworld, a communication that Garnet had kept secret from the others until now. Pearl couldn’t help but feel offended that Garnet did not trust her with this information, but in hind-sight, she respected Garnet’s decision. With Peridot only recently proving her trust, it probably was for the best.

“So, G-squad.” Amethyst huffed, jogging to keep up with Pearl and Garnet’s longer strides. Amethyst’s hair bounced in its ponytail. Pearl pursed her lips, almost cracking a smile. “Where is this communication-ma-jiggy?”

“I only discovered it within the last century.” Garnet waved her two partners over. Pearl raised her eyebrows in confusion; initially Pearl couldn’t see what Garnet was showing them. Flora and fauna bloomed everywhere around them, covering every inch of dirt and bark. Pearl’s vision seemed to spin green before her eyes traced over a line of plants that matched perfectly in a curve resembling a dome, outlining a shape of a ship buried under the growth.

Eyebrow furrowing, Pearl placed her hand at the crook of her slender hip and stared up at the large structure in front of her. “How are we going to get through all these plants? It must have thousands of years of organic life on it.”

“I gotcha, P.” Amethyst grinned, a handle emerging from her gem. Gripping her weapon, she pulled out the whip with a loud crack and with another flick of her wrist, plant matter began to fall from the large Homeworld ship. 

Pearl glanced at Garnet, numerous cracks from Amethyst’s whip echoing in the forest around them. “Uh, Amethyst, we may want to be more car—“

“Nah, P. You worry too—“

The structure groaned, the wet, muddy ground rumbling beneath the three gems. Amethyst stepped back, muttering a small “fuck” before jumping and tackling Pearl as a large metal bar as large as tree trunk fell where Pearl just stood, the rest of the ship falling down with it. Pearl could hear Garnet’s shouts, muffled by the sounds of creaking and crashing, dirt flying all around them.

When Pearl opened her eyes again, she spat out soil and blinked it out of her eyes. It was dark, but Pearl could see Amethyst’s glowing gem a few feet away from her. Thank stars she was alright.

“A-Amethyst?”

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck! Pearl, are you ok?”

Pearl let out a small hum. She remembered how she would probably reprimand the younger gem for being so reckless, but honestly, there probably was no other way to get into the ship in the first place. She coughed again, pulling herself up to her knees, wet dirt and moss sticking to her skin and clothes. Damn, she could barely see. “What do we do now?”

“I...Fuck, I don’t know.” Amethyst’s gem pulsed gently. “Shit. I’m sorry, P.”

Pearl shook her head. Amethyst watched Pearl’s gem glow faintly in the dark, and Pearl was suddenly made aware of Amethyst’s breath on her collarbone; she decided to ignore the fact that she and Amethyst were alone and close together.

Extremely close together.  

Steadying her breaths, Pearl shook the thought from her head. What in the world was she thinking? “None of us got hurt. At least I don’t think so. Let’s just try to get out of here. Hold on.” Pearl’s gem emitted a light, lighting up the area around them.

Scraps of metal, bars, and old control boards surrounded them, some of the old gem technology still sparking and flickering. Pearl traced her fingers over the large metal dome above her, preventing her from standing up completely. It felt loose enough to move without the whole structure collapsing.

“Help me with this.” Pearl pressed her shoulders against the cold, damp metal and started to push up. Before she could fully use her strength to life the dome above them, she heard Amethyst shapeshift, pushing the metal dome away, dim (but brighter) light pouring into their entrapment. When she looked at Amethyst again, Amethyst was now a large bulging figure, mask over her face.

Purple Puma grinned down at the older gem who rolled her eyes for the third time that day.

“Now you’re showing off.”

Amethyst returned to her most stable form with a glow from her gem. Pearl’s heart pounded faster as Amethyst shrugged with a smug smirk. “Yeah. I am.”

Smiling to herself, Pearl climbed out of the wreckage, kneeling on the cold metal ground of the ship and taking Amethyst by the hand to help her out as well.  Ever since Amethyst had brought Steven to the Kindergarten for the first time, she and Pearl have started to mend the relationship that shattered shortly after Steven was born. They were really close before; Pearl often spent time with Amethyst and taught her the things she didn’t know. When Greg came along…well, that’s when Pearl started to drift. She felt she had lost Rose emotionally, and she had no energy to keep with Amethyst’s bouncy personality at the same time. And Amethyst gave her space. She started to spend time with Greg. And that woman, Vidalia. And…

And then Pearl tried to shatter her gem.

Pearl walked slowly around the Homeworld ship so that Amethyst could keep up with her as they looked for Garnet. She remembered that day, how completely _shitty_ she felt, how lost, how much she just wanted to not exist. She had read about humans committing suicide, and gems rarely did it, or if they did, any mention of it was swept under the rug. Pearl had encountered about two instances in her lifetime, both of them pearls. She always refused to be a stereotype, but she didn’t think anything could have stopped her that day. Pearl could still feel her spear through her head, how close she was to death. And Amethyst—

She didn’t run to tell Garnet or Greg, who had a child to look after. She didn’t freak out or panic. Yes, she did cry, but she just sat there, her hands warm against Pearl’s gem, gently coaxing Pearl out of her anxiety, embarrassment, and despair until she reformed again.

 _Come back, P. We need you._ _I need you._

The more she thought about it, Amethyst was there more times for her emotionally than she could count. Every time Pearl felt lost, Amethyst came to spend time with her. Whenever she was lonely, Amethyst came to talk and keep her busy. And when she needed her most, Amethyst was there to cry with her and embrace her until she was okay to come back to the rest of the group.

Even when Pearl knew messed up with Sardonyx, Amethyst understood her, and they talked it out. They connected over their mutual insecurities, and together they were stronger. They fought less, and they joked more. Pearl respected Amethyst as an equal; they were different, but equal. Pearl hadn’t felt…she hadn’t felt anything similar towards another gem in the longest time.

It freaked her out.

Deep down inside of her, Pearl had the smallest inking that she knew what she was feeling toward the smaller the gem. Even if there was the possibility that Amethyst would returning those feelings, Pearl wanted—no _needed_ —to suppress her own. There was no way she could handle romance: especially when she knew that there was going to be an end some way or another.

Their footsteps echoed through the halls, Pearl’s light illuminating the area around them. The atmosphere was haunting; every corner they took lead to another dark corridor, old gem technology piled and falling out of their places. Screens flickered, and loose wires glowed and sparked. Pearl remembered how similar this ship was to the one she served in thousands of years ago. Shivers ran down her spine and she drew closer to the smaller gem.

Her subtle action didn’t go without notice. “You scared, P?”

Pearl could imagine the smug look on Amethyst’s face. She wanted to roll her eyes but she thought against it. “Just…bad memories.” She was surprised how candid she was.

Amethyst fell silent. Pearl was grateful.

“Hey.”

Pearl looked sideways at the shorter gem to avoid blinding her with her light. She couldn’t help but observe the light faintly shadowing Ametyst’s face, extenuating her thick eyebrows, button nose, and finally her large, plump lips. Pearl licked her own thin lips involuntarily before mentally kicking herself and turning quickly forward again, cheeks burning. “Yes?”

“What is…What was Homeworld like?” Amethyst slowed her walk.

“Well….” Pearl sighed. She assumed that after seeing Yellow Diamond, Amethyst probably wanted a more detailed description than Pearl’s usual “awful”—but talking about her home planet was never something Pearl liked discussing. “There’s the hierarchy.”

“I know _that_.  I’m just…wondering what it’s like for a quartz.”

Pearl let out a small laugh. “It’s not bad to be a quartz. You’d probably have a pearl, depending on how many battles you’ve fought, how many colonies you helped establish. You’d…You’d be revered. You’d go to parties. Diplomatic meetings with Diamonds. And more.”

“Sounds stuffy.”

“It’s the good life.” Pearl kept her eyes forward. “Trust me.”

“And for a pearl?” Amethyst looked away hastily and added, “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, I don’t need to—“

Pearl shook her head. “Pearls live to serve their masters. For Diamonds, they can personally customize their pearls. For other high-ranking gems, pearls are bestowed on them as gifts by Diamonds. Besides that…” Pearl sighed. “…they don’t really have an identity.”

“You were under White Diamond, right?” Amethyst glanced at the Diamond Insignia on the floor as they passed by.

“Yes.” Pearl swallowed slowly. “I was.”

“What was she like?”

Pearl laughed nervously. It echoed down the long corridor. Shivers ran down her spine, and she hoped Amethyst didn’t notice. She was able to talk about it now, right? “Ruthless. I was more of the rebellious type, I’m sure, so I was close to being shattered several times.”

Amethyst laughed. “ _You_? Miss Priss?”

“Yes.” Pearl cracked a small smile. “I never was though. When I did something, I did it very well. I guess that’s why she kept me. But I think—“ Pearl pressed her lips together. “—I think I always knew that Homeworld was wrong.”

Amethyst nodded slowly, letting the echoes of their footsteps bounce off the metal walls. Pearl never thought she would talk about Homeworld with anyone else besides Rose. She felt good, but a part of her rejected her candidness. She felt open.

Exposed.

Pearl closed her eyes briefly to shake off her anxiety only to be blinded by a bright magenta light shining in front of her when she opened them.

“You two!” Heavily footsteps followed the fusion.

“Garnet, thank goodness.” Pearl walked swiftly, relief feeling her as Amethyst trailing right behind her. “You’re okay.”

“I was more worried about the two of you.” Garnet looked down at them, holding her glowing hand slightly away from their faces. “I’ve already destroyed the communication in this ship. Let’s head home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sentiment is a play on words. It's supposed to relate to sediment, which is what makes sedimentary rocks, but also to the actual emotions Pearl and Amethyst feel.


	3. Organic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah i said this would be slow burn right
> 
> i got a lil self indulgent

The first thing that Pearl did was take a bath, one of the only human habits she picked up. Spending hours traversing South American jungles was fun, but the amount of dirt and sweat caked on her pale skin wasn’t worth the effort in her opinion. At least they had done their job.

Sinking deeper into the water, she let the water envelope her, the soothing heat soaking into her skin. Part of her wished her gem was lower on her body so she could fully enjoy the warm water, but there was nothing she could about that. Running her hand through her short, wet hair, she sank so the water level was right below her nose and closed her eyes.

What a day.

Pearl breathed deeply, the warm steam filling her nose, the heat loosening every tight muscle and nerve in her body. In hindsight, the mission itself wasn’t exhausting.  Nothing unusual happened, just the normal wear and tear that happened along with being a Crystal Gem. So why was she so drained?  Although she would never admit it to anyone else, she knew the answer.

The thought of Homeworld always left shivers down her spine.

She was one of the pearls, one of the most mass produced gems on Homeworld. She had no identity, only to whom she was serving. She remembered how tight the white leotard was and how the sheer, shimmery fabric draped over the back of her head like a veil, billowing behind her like a cape as she walked beside her mistress. She would be at her mistress’s disposal: she entertained the Diamonds with the other pearls, served at diplomatic meetings, did whatever White Diamond said, and entertained White Diamond’s quartzes whenever her mistress ordered her to. Pearl took a shaky breath. Though she never realized what she truly was at the time, she now knew: she really was a toy.

Pearl moved her hand slowly against her stark, white skin, rubbing herself clean. Sure, some habits continued after her time at Homeworld—she called Rose “mistress” for the longest time and she still couldn’t stand mess—but she was proud how far she had come. She was stronger than she realized. She knew her worth. Homeworld was wrong. Deep down, she always knew that.

She sank down to dip her head under the warm water and rose with a gasp—another human habit she had picked up—and slicked her hair back before rising out of the water. She phased the water off her body and hair and summoned her clothes before exiting Steven’s bathroom. Thank stars Peridot stopped occupying it.

Steven and Peridot were still at the barn. She was pretty sure that Garnet went to go see how they were doing. And Amethyst…

Amethyst sat alone on the couch, eating an apple. She looked up as Pearl emerged from the bathroom. “You done?”

Pearl hummed in affirmation and sat down next to Amethyst. Amethyst had cleaned off too, but probably not from a shower or bath; she probably just phased any grime off. Her hair smelled nice though. It looked soft.

Amethyst swallowed the apple core completely and as she chewed, sat up to crawl closer to the older gem and lay her head on her lap. Pearl felt Amethyst blow a sigh and Pearl breathed in contentment. She felt good on Pearl’s lap, her hair framing her violet skin like a halo. Unlike before, Pearl didn’t feel anxious or flustered; these quiet moments always felt right.

Pearl had only begun to realize how much Amethyst met to her, possibly more than just a friendship. She was terrified of it though, and she didn’t know what scared her more: the possibility of Amethyst not returning her feelings or the possibility of Amethyst feeling the same way. It was so hard to tell what Amethyst truly felt. For all she knew, Amethyst probably only liked her platonically. But if Amethyst felt the same way, what then? She didn’t want…She couldn’t live through another heartbreak. It would destroy her.   

“Hey P.”

Pearl looked down at the violet gem. Amethyst really was beautiful in the most unique, rough way possible.  The violet irises of her eyes were startling.

“You doin’ okay?”

Pearl laughed a short breath though her nose. “What’s this about?”

“I mean, Homeworld…and all.” Amethyst shrugged against Pearl. “You looked…pretty nervous.”

Pearl felt a wave of gratitude. “I’m just fine, Amethyst. It’s nothing I’ve not dealt with before.”

Amethyst sat up, her dark, violet eyes looking straight into Pearl’s bright blue ones. Amethyst’s sudden thoughtfulness was surprising.

“Amethyst?”

“I’m serious, P.”

Pearl raised an eyebrow. This was unlike Amethyst. “Do you…think I don’t take you seriously?”

“No, don’t make this about me. You always make this about me.” Amethyst shook her head vigorously. Her hair fell over her shoulders and Pearl had to hold back the urge to brush it between her long fingers. “You’re so selfless. Are _you_ okay?”

Pearl stared at the younger gem with a newfound respect. It was rare to see this side of Amethyst, but the more Pearl spent time with her, the more seriousness she showed. It began to occur to Pearl that Amethyst wasn’t always what she seemed; she was much more intuitive than Pearl had thought.

“I mean…” Pearl looked down at her hands folded on her now-empty lap. “I’m scared, Amethyst.”

Amethyst nodded.

“Everything we’ve done was to defend Earth.” Pearl said quietly. “After thousands of years, we’ve made a threat to Homeworld, and…” Pearl breathed deeply to expel her nervousness. “…and I don’t want all of our work to go to waste.”

To Pearl’s surprise, Amethyst shook her head. “No, it’s more than that. You know it.”

Pearl swallowed slowly, staring at her comrade.  She knew Amethyst was right, though she never wanted to admit it. Tears sprang to her eyes and through her swimming vision, she saw panic spread across Amethyst’s face.

“Fuck. P, I didn’t mean—“ Amethyst spoke hastily, brushing her short fingers across the corners of Pearl’s eyes. The gesture was sweet. “—I…We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, I pressed too hard, I—“

Pearl looked at Amethyst once again with a deep breath and quickly brushed her stray tears away. “No, you’re right. I don’t want to see the Diamonds again, I’m afraid that I won’t be strong enough to take them and all of my work will be for nothing. I don’t think...I don’t think I could go back to what I was before. Yes, I’m a Pearl but I’m a _pearl_. Proving my worth to Peridot isn’t compared to Homeworld itself.”

“So you feel…” Amethyst spoke cautiously.

“Weak. Useless. I’m not…I don’t want to go back, Amethyst.” Pearl laid her head in her hands and breathed slowly.

Amethyst laid her head on Pearl’s shoulder, her hair brushing pale skin like gentle caresses. “If I pushed you, you totally can beat me up.”

Pearl laughed weakly. “No, I needed this. Thank you.”

Amethyst pressed her cheek against Pearl and looked up at her. Pearl’s gaze trailed from the waves of Amethyst’s lavender hair to her squish of her cheeks and pressed the side of her face against the same shoulder Amethyst rested on. They were close, but…not nearly close enough.  

“I’m…going to be selfish, Amethyst.” Pearl spoke quietly.

“About time. What’s up, P?”

“May we form Opal?” Stars knew she needed some strength and support. No one better to do so than with Amethyst, where she could be at complete peace.

“Woooow. ‘We only fuse in emergencies, Steven.’” Amethyst developed a falsetto with a wiseass smirk. “‘Absolutely no fusion unless we absolutely need it!’ Right, Pearl. Riiight.”

Heat flushed Pearl’s face a bright blue. “No! I mean, yes, but I would love to practice defusing naturally. You know…without any discourse?” Pearl raised her inflection weakly, shoulder hitched up in embarrassment.  “I mean, we’ve gotten miles better, but the last time we fused at the barn, it took a while for us to defuse because Opal forgot, and we couldn’t figure out where we were afterwards and—“

“I think it’s a great idea. Let’s do it.” Amethyst jumped to her feet with a thud and stretched before moving deeper into the temple, Pearl following her.

The dance came so easily to them now. Amethyst moved with equal grace and stability, Pearl adding less fluidity and more funk into her step as they stepped around each other like a spoken flirt. Joining hands, Pearl could already feel Amethyst bind with her, become one, and create someone completely new.

Opal stood and stretched. Humming in happiness, she traced fingertip touches over her arms and torso and sighed. She quite liked her new outfit; the new top was very punk rock in her opinion. Which one added the punk again? She almost always forgot. It was the quartz, wasn’t it?

She knew—the taller one wasn’t it?—Pearl only wanted to fuse to soothe her own mental instability because she had been feeling bad lately, and Opal felt bad about it too. Technically, she wasn’t even supposed to exist: a quartz and a pearl fusion would be absolutely blasphemous. Not that she _really_ cared. Opal liked existing, and although she knew the objective was to defuse normally, she didn’t really have the heart to. She could be herself for a little more, couldn’t she?

No argument took place, not one thought against her existence. Smiling happily, Opal sat down on the couch and picked up a book.

\----------

“Oh, I _see_ what you were doing.” Amethyst rolled her eyes.

“It’s not like you had any objections.” Pearl retorted with a small smile. They had defused peacefully on the couch a few hours later, Amethyst laying her head on Pearl’s lap, Pearl stroking her hair, fully aware of what had happened.

“So, are you feeling better?” Amethyst sat up.

 Pearl watched Amethyst, who stood still waiting her answer. Lately after they defused, there was always a sense of peace, but today Pearl’s nerves twisted at the gut of her stomach. They were so close now. The only way Pearl could compare how she felt was to how she felt when she was with Rose, thousands of years ago. The difference was that with Rose, they mostly did gem things: touch gems, some physical contact, and of course fusing. They tried more human-like ways to be intimate, but nothing ever stuck. But with Amethyst…

Pearl licked her lips. Yes, they fused. She loved fusing with Amethyst; their weaknesses became their strengths when they were Opal. She didn’t feel inferior to her partner. The two of them were completely equal. But she also wanted to be Amethyst’s equal: in a human way.

How many people had Amethyst kissed? Would she dislike it? Would just dislike kissing Pearl?

 Pearl smiled gently. “Much better.”

They were so close, so very very close.

Pearl swallowed any nervousness and narrowed the space between them. Part of her wanted to hold on, stop, because of Rose. But did that part of her even exist anymore? Now, after all this time, was she still clinging on to the pink quartz? Eyes half lidded, Pearl felt Amethyst’s breath tingle Pearl’s nerves on her lips. Amethyst’s skin flushed a beautiful shade of dark violet, shuddering as Pearl traced down the skin on Amethyst’s arm. 

Pearl decided the answer was no. At least at this moment.

Amethyst’s lips gently brushed hers, the first gentle contact making Pearl jump slightly. She shivered as Amethyst reached to hold her hand, the millimeter between their lips feeling like an eternity, neither one of them wanting to make the first move in the fear the other would reject them.

Pearl breathed in Amethyst’s exhales and leaned in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to make sure it's established that p and ame's relationship is pretty solid at the moment. 
> 
> get ready for that to burn to the ground. slowly.
> 
> in this world its kill or be killed
> 
> Oh yeah i named this chapter organic bc sedimentary rock is sometimes made out of organic material. Pearl wants to be sort of human. wow.


	4. Deposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the discourse.  
> it's real

Amethyst trudged through the thick, dry sand as if it was muck. She hated the desert just as much as she hated the rainforest.

Scratching her left arm, she glanced up at the taller gem, who stood regally with her spear at the top of the dune. The sun directly behind her shadowed her face as she squinted into the distance. Amethyst sighed loudly before picking her pace and joining her partner at what seemed the highest point for miles around.

Pearl glowed in the desert light, and it didn’t take long for Amethyst’s mind to wander back to the kiss they shared three days before.  Pearl’s lips were thin and moved perfectly against her own. They had started out slowly, timid of each other’s movements despite the amount of growth they had gone through the past year or so. Then Amethyst instinctively deepened the kiss, leaning into Pearl until Pearl’s back pressed against the cushions of the couch, her long thin fingers twisting Amethyst’s long hair. Endorphins flooded Amethyst’s head as she traced her palms over Pearl’s thin figure, Pearl’s hot breath against her mouth.

They didn’t hear the front door open.

Garnet had walked in with Peridot, Peridot making the smallest noise of discomfort which caused Pearl to freeze and push Amethyst away in haste. Pearl cleared her throat, trying to smooth out her clothes and Amethyst tried to tame her even more unkempt hair. Both of them were blushing furiously.

“You said this would happen.” Peridot narrowed her eyes at Garnet, who had the most amused expression on her face.

“Mm.” Garnet gave Peridot a thumbs up and guided her towards the temple.

And so, they received another dual mission, this time on purpose, decided by Garnet. Garnet had told them this mission was too dangerous for one of them to go, despite their less-than-obvious attempts to change the leader’s mind.

“What is up with you two?” Garnet had demanded and the two gems shut their mouths, trying to hide their embarrassed blushes on their cheeks.

Amethyst sat on the dune with a large huff. They went to the worst places.

“Get up, Amethyst. We have to go.” Pearl pointed at a seemingly small strange structure down below and with a starting leap, slid down the dune with a sort of grace that made Amethyst’s gem glow a little bit brighter.

Amethyst stood with a stretch and also took a jump, her long hair trailing behind her as she swerved through the sand, sun beating down on her violet skin.

She turned her slide into a run, as she neared Pearl and down to a jog until she was beside her partner. Amethyst stared at the now enormous Homeworld ship in front of her. It had seemed so small from the top of the dune.

Pearl gazed up at the ship in thought, the side of her forefinger curled against her lip, her pale eyebrow burrowing small wrinkles in her almost blinding skin. Small beads of sweat formed near Pearl’s temple and down her graceful neck, making Amethyst’s throat go dry.

“Um…” Pearl cleared her throat. “Amethyst?”

Amethyst was snapped out of her daze and licked her parched lips. “Sorry.”

“No, I was wondering if you can open this panel. I want to see if we can get inside.” Pearl raised her eyebrow in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” _Yes. I feel like I really fucked up with you…_

Amethyst pried her thick fingers into a small crack in the panel and gave the piece of thick metal an experimental tug. Pearl hadn’t mentioned their kiss and she didn’t seem like she wanted to talk about it; they both avoided each other as much as they could. Amethyst hated it. She wanted to discuss their relationship. All Amethyst wanted was to be friends again; they didn’t even have to be as close as they were before. Amethyst valued their relationship, and she didn’t want to lose it again.

With a loud grunt, Amethyst managed to rip out a corner of the panel. Another pull, and the whole panel fell off, landing on the sand with a soft thump. She took a step back, letting Pearl handle the wires and technology junk underneath. Watching carefully, Amethyst sat down on the hot sand as Pearl fingered through the multitude of old wires and unstable sparks.

Pearl mumbled a few things under her breath that Amethyst couldn’t decipher and stepped back to stare at her work, clearly deep in thought. Amethyst knew best not to bother her while she was working—Pearl always went to another world when she was in her nerd zone—but watching her at work was, in short, unbelievably sexy.

The tall gem muttered a few more words through a bitten lip and then swiftly pulled out a small wire with a yank. A loud sound of the ship powering down echoed through the dunes and Pearl sighed. “That should open the door.” Pearl rubbed her bottom lip with her forefinger. “But I’m not quite sure where the door is…”

“Damn, P.” Amethyst walked toward the other with a small smirk. “You’re on point—“

The ground rumbled below them and Amethyst felt Pearl’s hand on her shoulder for support.  Pearl’s eyes widened, “What in the world—“

Then Amethyst felt herself fall, sand cascading like rain along with her.

\----------

Amethyst woke up in a brick hallway, her gem pulsed with pain, illuminating the area around her. She remembered falling; she must have blacked out from the landing.

“Pearl?” Amethyst croaked. “Where are you?”

Amethyst heard coughing behind her, and she turned, Pearl’s figure in Amethyst’s purple light. She heard Pearl groan with a small “stupid, stupid.”

“P?”

“I didn’t know the door was under us, how didn’t I know the door was right at our feet? We could have been killed.” Pearl sat up with a sigh, rubbing her gem gently to rid it of sand and dust. Her light came on as well. “I’m sorry, Amethyst. Are you alright?”

“Fine.” Amethyst shrugged. “Nothing’s cracked.”

“Let’s go find the communication device in this ship.” Pearl stood and dusted herself off before heading off in a direction. “Should we split up to cover more ground?”

Amethyst stared at the other gem. Pearl never, _ever,_ suggested to split up. “Uh. I don’t think that’s a good idea P.” She hastily added. “I mean, we don’t know what’s here.”

Pearl bit her lip. She was uncomfortable. “Yeah. Sure. We’ll stay together.”

“So, um…” Amethyst shifted her feet before nodding in Pearl’s direction. “After you?”

The two walked in silence, the awkwardness palpable between them. Pearl treaded lightly in front, Amethyst behind her, both of their gems illuminating the way.

_Talk to her. Just say something, goddammit._

Amethyst couldn’t remember a time she _didn’t_ like Pearl. Maybe she was too naïve to realize her feelings were more than platonic until around the time Greg came. Maybe even before then. Whatever it was, Amethyst always found Pearl attractive; how she moved when she danced, how she fought with her swords or spear, even how she made tea every day precisely at nine in the morning. But of course she couldn’t say anything. She never had the guts to do it.

Now with their recent…encounter, Amethyst couldn’t hide anymore: no matter how much she wanted to. Had Pearl liked Amethyst back? Since when did Pearl start getting feeling for her?

Were they…in a relationship now?

Amethyst opened her mouth to speak when Pearl let out a yell, grabbing Amethyst’s head and shoving it down. A laser shot just where Amethyst stood, smoke rising from the new burn mark in the stone ground.

Pearl’s blue eyes held Amethyst’s stare as she pointed to where Amethyst’s foot lay. It was pressed down, like a button.

“Watch where you step—“ Pearl spoke softly, yet another laser shot through the air, missing Pearl’s gem by mere inches.

Amethyst stared at Pearl’s wide, bright eyes before they both came to an understanding. The lasers were touch sensitive to certain panels in the ground and sound sensitive generally. Testing out every tile on the floor would take too long. The best thing to do was to take out the laser sources.

Pearl summoned her spear and with a small grunt, threw it in the direction of the first laser. Amethyst’s heart sank when the laser blasted the pearlescent spear into smithereens and a puff of smoke.

Amethyst stared at Pearl urgently. She knew what they had to do. Pearl’s spears may be too slow to reach the lasers without being destroyed, but _Opal’s_ _arrows_ …

Pearl glanced at Amethyst, biting her thin lip. Amethyst heard the small noise of a swallow, and she knew that she and Pearl were on the same page.

Pearl tiptoed carefully around Amethyst. Amethyst struggled to keep up, Pearl’s dancing more independently, less in-synch than their dance before. Amethyst twisted uncomfortably, watching Pearl pirouette en pointe to Amethyst’s right. Amethyst stared at her partner’s face, but Pearl refused to meet Amethyst’s glaze. Pearl suddenly leaned down, Amethyst catching her, fumbling to hold her in a dip.

 _She has to trust you again_.

A white light enveloped the two gems, matter wiggling with difficulty before creating a stable form. Opal kneeled on her tip-toes where, standing on the two tiles Amethyst and Pearl stood just before her. She felt a little disheartened because she knew she wasn’t formed in the sake of a strong bond in the two’s relationship; it was only because she was needed, nothing more. The tall one wasn’t as receptive towards her partnership with the smaller one. She—Pearl, right?—didn’t want to be brokenhearted again. Opal felt bad for her, but she also thought it was completely silly; maybe that was Amethyst’s half.

But Amethyst? She already felt broken. She felt like she messed up. She wanted nothing more than to mend her relationship with Pearl. Amethyst’s sadness made Opal feel sad as well.

The unspoken turmoil between the two made Opal feel uneasy—unstable. Still, Opal summoned her weapon with a flourish—Pearl’s half—and raised her arm to notch the bow. Aiming carefully, Opal fired, the laser guns hidden behind blocks of stones bursting into flames.

Then Opal was gone, Pearl stepping out of the fusion like avoiding a bullet and turning her back to Amethyst to examine the tiles on the floor. Amethyst opened her mouth to speak, but bit her lip and turned to look at the floor. She tentatively pressed the toe of her boot to the tile in front of her and stepped. Nothing.

They made their way further into the ship. It was unusually cold—don’t ask Amethyst why, they were in the _desert_ for fuck’s sake—but Amethyst didn’t dare to stick close to Pearl. Although gems didn’t really radiate heat like humans, it would be a comfort. Amethyst trailed behind the elegant, tall gem.

Amethyst bit her lip. “Uh, Pearl?”

“Yes?”

Amethyst took a deep breath and sighed. “I—Can we _please_ talk?”

Pearl didn’t look at Amethyst. “About what?”

The smaller gem felt anger boil in her stomach. “‘ About what’?! Are you serious?”

Pearl let out a sigh. “I don’t see anything to talk about Amethyst.”

Grasping at her hair, Amethyst burst. “So you’re just going to _kiss_ me, and not say anything about it?!”

Pearl turned. “Amethyst, I—“ White light blinded Amethyst’s eyes. “I was caught up in the moment.”

Amethyst just stared at her comrade, feeling disbelief fill her like poison. “Are you _fucking_ telling me that—“

 “I realize how silly I was, Amethyst. You know how sometimes emotions get the best of me.”

Pearl was so uncharacteristically distant. Amethyst watched her walk ahead and bit her thick lip. She knew that Pearl was distracting herself; she probably needed time and Rose was probably getting to her again. Pearl never handled romance well, unless it was already established.

Nevertheless, tears stung Amethyst’s eyes. “Maybe we should split up.”

“Good idea.” Without another word, Pearl took a sharp left turn and the darkness of the ship swallowed her whole. Turning her light on, Amethyst took a deep breath and made her way through dark hallways.

Amethyst knew she had to find the communication in this ship, but with the unwanted tension between her and Pearl, all she ended up doing was wander the halls aimlessly until she met a dead-end, turn, and continue on a different path. She had no idea what to do. She had no idea how to fix this.

Anxiety and doubt melded together in the pit of her stomach, turning her insides to liquid as she turned once again to a dead end. Cursing, Amethyst let out a roar and punched the metal wall with a fury that rattled and shook the whole hall behind her. Amethyst sighed and sat on the ground.

What the fuck was she going to do?

As much as she hated to admit it, she needed Pearl. Pearl was there to guide her and to give her assurance when she had doubts about who she was and what she stood for. Pearl’s logical mind balanced perfectly with Amethyst’s spontaneous one and they leveled each other out. They had found strength in each other for so long, and now as they are falling apart, Amethyst felt…useless. Unwanted.

She knew she didn’t belong on Homeworld. If she didn’t belong there, she belonged on Earth, where she was born, where she stayed all her life, where she was with her friends.

Where she was with Pearl.

Tears stung Amethyst’s eyes as she flopped down on the cold metal floor and sighed. If Pearl was rejecting her, where the hell did she belong?

A shriek traveled through the empty hallways like current traveling a wire. Amethyst sat up quickly, her hands falling in between the space between her slack legs. That was Pearl. She was in trouble.

Amethyst raced down the hallways, her hair billowing behind her like a lavender flag of surrender.  The discourse the two were going through wasn’t worth Pearl poofing—or shattering.

“PEARL!” Amethyst’s mind filled with thoughts of the worst, anxieties making her whole body go cold. What if Pearl’s gem cracked? What the hell would she do? What if she had already shattered and she was already gone? Amethyst remembered how Garnet and Pearl had been trapped in that shrinking room and they had to be Sardonyx in order to get out. What if Pearl got caught in another one of those? She wouldn’t have anyone to fuse with, no one to be with her—

“PEARL!” A sob erupted out of Amethyst’s throat, her voice breaking through her stress. She turned from a dark corridor and into an illuminated hallway. Pearl’s light.

“I’m here!” Pearl’s voice came from a pried-open metal room. Amethyst hastily brushed away the sweat and tears that formed on her face and peeked inside. It was the hub of the spaceship. Pearl hadn’t looked up from her work; she was deeply focused on the multitude of wires underneath the control board of the hug. She looked up quickly to steal a look from her partner. “What is with all the panic?”

“You…You yelled.” Amethyst said breathlessly.

“Oh, I got shocked. It was a high voltage, but I think I’ll be fine.” Pearl hastily touched her gem and went back to work. Amethyst’s gaze traveled to Pearl’s glowing gem, illuminating the room and hallway around them. It had no damage.

Amethyst breathed a small sigh of relief. Suddenly remembering their fight, Amethyst went back to the hallway to sit down.

And what if Pearl really had been in trouble? What if, in some situation or another, Amethyst couldn’t fuse with her to save her life? Amethyst fisted her trembling hands and closed her eyes.  She was a _quartz_ for gem’s sake. Shouldn’t she be strong? The gem hierarchy never made any sense to Amethyst; the thought of being made for a purpose was stupid. Gems were made to _live_ , just like humans were. Even then, she knew she couldn’t save Pearl even if she tried. She couldn’t do it before when Pearl and Garnet were in that shrinking room. She couldn’t do it in missions before. She couldn’t do it now.

Amethyst curled into a ball and for the first time that day, Amethyst didn’t think of the tall gem; she thought about herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst's insecurities will come into play very soon.
> 
> Deposition is the layering of sediment before it hardens into rock.


	5. Weathering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl is gay
> 
> there is discourse
> 
> enjoy
> 
> I'm sorry this is a short chapter. More pearl angst bc that's all i like to write apparently

Pearl sat alone with her tools.

She was hard at work on the drill, putting the final additions, and doing the final tests to be a hundred and fifty percent sure that everything would work. She wasn’t sure where Peridot was at the time, but she didn’t mind the smaller gem taking a break; Peridot had been through a lot the past week or so. Although she usually stood while she worked, Steven had brought her a chair when he noticed her legs had started to shake.

 _Such a smart, sweet boy_. Pearl smiled to herself before turning to the complex set of circuitry under a metal cover on the side of the massive drill. It warmed her that Steven knew that she sometimes worked so hard, she usually disregarded her own well being to dedicate herself to the project. She wiped her temple with the back of her hand, groaning when she realized that was the hand soiled with oil and grease, and sighed.

She remembered how much she despised the child. She hated herself for judging him so quickly, even though she knew she wasn’t in the right headspace to make _any_ correct decision. She hated him enough not to partake in his care when the gems needed help, taking time to herself for days, even weeks, on end. Greg didn’t feel like he had the right to tell Pearl want to do—after all, it was _his_ son who took their loved one away—Garnet knew it was best to give her space, and Amethyst…

Pearl let out a small groan and sat back on the chair. She stared at the cobwebs draped over the wooden beams of the barn roof. _Amethyst_.

Since the kiss they had shared, Pearl couldn’t keep her off her mind. Everything between them was so perfect in that one short moment in time; Amethyst’s were buttery and soft against her own, her hair smelled so nice, and her hands at Pearl’s waist made Pearl feel so secure. And for once, she felt _good_. It was almost equivalent to being Opal with her.

 _Almost_.

But what was she doing? She was running. Once again, she was running, and she hated it. She ran from Rose’s death, she ran from Steven’s birth, she ran from her own suicide attempt, she ran from Amethyst and her feelings—

Were they feelings now? Pearl placed her head gently on the headboard of the drill, the cool metal soothing her gem.  What else would they be, if she was acting like this. The only other time she had the similar feeling was eons ago, back when she was on Homeworld, back when it was just her and Rose. Pearl let breathed in deeply, her shoulders sagging with her exhale.  

Stars, she felt like shit.

And Amethyst approached her during their mission a few days ago. And even then, Pearl ran away again. And what did that do? Did it solve anything? Were they back to being good friends?

“You know the answer to that.” Pearl spoke softly to herself before rubbing her face again, cursing herself because it was the grease smeared hand, and went back to work.

She was finished wiring and programming the cluster’s coordinates into the drill when she heard Amethyst’s voice right outside the barn. Pearl felt her blood pressure rise and pressed her lips together before burying her face into the panel of the drill.

In the corner of her eye, she saw Amethyst peek inside the barn and lower her voice.

“So…can you do it?”

Pearl raised an eyebrow.

Peridot’s voice was much clearer than Amethyst’s. “Build a ship? Of course, I _could_. Although I would need a multitude of equipment and materials…”

“I can get anything you need. Just let me know what. When can you get this done by?”

“With the pearl working on the drill, I can focus on your project. According to the rate of progress we’re making on the drill…a month?”

Pearl could hear the discomfort in Amethyst’s voice. “Could…could you get it earlier?”

“Uh, I could. We’ll have to get started almost immediately however.”

“That’s fine. What do you need?”

“I need a ‘power drill’, that flame-thrower, a circle saw, a nail gun, sledge hammer...”

Pearl tried to get back to work. No matter what she did, she couldn’t focus. What in the world was Amethyst trying to pull off? Why would she need a ship? There was no reason for Amethyst to need one unless…

No. She wouldn’t betray Earth to go to Homeworld. She wouldn’t betray the Crystal Gems. She would betray Pearl. _She couldn’t._

Pearl heard Amethyst’s heavy steps on the dusty floor and went back to pretending to do her work. Amethyst looked around the barn before going over to the tool table.

“Hey, P. Are you using this?” Amethyst held up the blowtorch, which was apparently the ‘Flame thrower’ _._

Pearl looked up from her work, faking her surprise. Her eyes trailed down to Amethyst’s plump lips before shaking out of her trance. “Oh? No, I’m not. Why, do you need it?”

“P-dot asked for it.” Amethyst shrugged. Her indifferent expression melted into a smirk. “P, what’s on your face?”

“What?” Pearl blinked in surprise and then let out a small nervous laugh. “Oh, I, um…Work gets messy.” She tried rubbing the grease and oil off her pale face.

“That’s a side of Pearl I’d like to see more often.” Was Amethyst…timidly…flirting with her? Amethyst looked away hesitantly, to avoid Pearl’s gaze. Pearl could have sworn she saw Amethyst’s cheeks brighten.  “Anyway, I can take this?” She bounced the blowtorch in her hand.

“I’m not using it at the moment, no. Help yourself.” Pearl tore her gaze from the smaller gem and went back to her work.

She heard Amethyst’s footsteps soften as she walked from the dust-covered ground to the grassy one outside the barn.

_Say something. Just say something to her. It’s not that hard…Say something, dammit, Pearl…_

Amethyst’s voice rang out from a distance. “Yo Peri—“

Pearl groaned into her hands.

“Shit.”

She missed their relationship. She missed feeling Amethyst’s grounded security when they fused. She missed their little moments, their little idle touches, their little secret jokes.

She missed their kiss.

She wanted to do it again.

Pearl rubbed her temples with a small whimper and sighed. Maybe she needed to just get away. She stood among the multitude of metal, wire, and tools and walked out onto the grassy field, looking to the temple in the distance. She dropped all her tools to the ground and stretched.

She needed to get to the warp pad.

\----------

Pearl’s thin fingers brushed the strawberry bushes, the leaves wet with dew, the droplets clinging to her fingers like tiny kisses.

She walked slowly through the large strawberry field, watching the small flowers bloom, waking from a cold spring night and yawning as the petals slowly, but surely, spread open.

She still hated to admit it, but she felt the safest in the strawberry battlefields: even though all she did in this place was die.

Pearl’s blue eyes surveyed the long stretch of land her eyes catching on a large sword in the distance, probably belonging to a quartz, and a large indent of land filled with strawberry bushes and flowers a few hundred feet from her. Even though everything healed, there were always scars to be a reminder of what was before.

_Should she…?_

Pearl let out a sigh and hesitantly felt herself let go. Suddenly, scars bloomed on her stark skin, so many, she couldn’t possibly count them all. She spent most of her time shape shifting them away; although she hated the fact she was _made_ to be pretty and to be looked at, she found that others found her scars unnerving. What would Steven say if he saw her scars? She only really let them exist on her when she was here, where she was closest to Rose.

Taking a clammy hand, she traced it up her forearm, up to her shoulder, feeling every single indent of skin, every darkened reminder of the battles she fought before: how much she loved Rose, how much she would do for her without even a second thought.

And what good did that do her?  Pearl traced her shaking to her hand to her left eye. Although she could see, the damage had been done. Her eyelid was malformed, as it never truly healed: how could it? She wasn’t organic.

She felt the back of her head, feeling the large bump parallel to her scar on her eye and sighed. She regretted ever _thinking_ of suicide fourteen years ago.

Pearl had grown. She knew that; she knew that she had worth, she wasn’t merely a pearl. She was Pearl. She didn’t have to throw herself into harm’s way to prove her worth to someone anymore. She didn’t have to sacrifice so much in order to love someone. Especially not her life.

She certainly didn’t do that with Amethyst. They fought together, as equals. No matter what, she knew Amethyst would have her back.

Right?

Pearl continued walking, biting her scarred lip. So why did Amethyst want a ship? Pearl found herself at the edge of a cliff, levitating pieces of land ahead of her. She jumped, landing on the tips of her toes every time and climbed.

“Rose…” Pearl made one final leap and sat on the grassy ground. She remembered when Steven followed her, and she confessed how much she felt for his mother. She cried so much that night.

“Rose, I don’t know what to do.” Pearl closed her eyes. “You always believed in love, so much that you even loved both me and Greg for that time. I was incredibly lucky to be with you for the majority of my life, so why—“ The words caught in her throat. “—why can’t I bring myself to do that same to…to…?”

She breathed in the dewy air and opened her eyes. Rose would never respond. But there Pearl was, consulting her like she did millennia before. She laid back on the grass and stared at the lightening sky above her. The sky was glowing pink, seeping into a beautiful orange, then yellow.

“I miss you, Rose.” Pearl closed her eyes again.

However, when she said those words, they didn’t hold as much meaning as they did before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. The plot thickens. 
> 
> Weathering is the breaking down or dissolving of rocks and minerals on Earths surface. In this case, the breaking down of Pearl's emotions.


	6. Olivine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No pearl in this chapter
> 
> unrequited amedot. Peri has a crushhhh.
> 
> more thickening plot. Thicken that plot like stew.

Amethyst crossed her arms and leaned against her beloved sitting rock, watching Peridot furiously work on the spaceship as if it would save her from being shattered.

Peridot had drilled specifically placed holes in the metal frame of the ship; it was about half way done, parts of it still only partially attached, lose wires spilling from open panels, headboard panels flickering every once in a while. The ship was the only thing growing in the desolate Kindergarten. Amethyst ran her tongue over her front teeth.

The Kindergarten was the singular safe place they—Peridot—could build the ship without anyone knowing. She knew Pearl and Garnet would never come there unless they absolutely needed to. Steven could come if Amethyst was away for long periods, but even that was unlikely. Also, no one—except the few forced fusions—were here to observe what she and Peridot were doing.

Amethyst had to see those quartzes. She had to be strong enough to carry her own weight of the team and more.

Amethyst cleared her throat, hitting the heels of her boot-donned feet against the rock. “Yo, Peri. Do you need any help?” Amethyst called up to the green gem nimbly running around the top of the ship.

“No. You couldn’t help me that much anyway.” Peridot rolled her eyes and went back to work tightening a nut with her beloved wrench. Amethyst looked away uneasily and stared into the dark, hole-littered canyon below. The soft whir of the Peridot’s drill reminded her of Pearl. The hollow of her chest expanded. She just wished she could talk to her again.

Amethyst cringed. “I know this is asking a lot—“

Peridot snorted. “’A lot’ is an understatement.” Amethyst’s cringed deepened.  “By Diamonds, you asked for a _spaceship_.”

That made Amethyst shut up. She continued to bare her gaze into the darkness. She let the silence linger before shrugging.

“Well, then why did you agree to this?” Amethyst watched her thick legs bounce as she hit her boots against her rock one last time. Amethyst eyed the younger gem carefully.

Peridot didn’t let go of the silence. Amethyst waited.

She could have sworn she saw a blush on Peridot’s face. She heard a small “Inconclusive” and raised her eyebrow as Peridot buried her face into the headboard of the ship.

“What was that?”

Peridot cleared her throat.  “I simply stated that my reasons for building you this ship are inconclusive.”

“Could you say that in a non- _nerd_ language?”

“I simply don’t know.” Peridot rolled her eyes. Was Amethyst imagining that blush? “You quartzes.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Peridot leaned back to look at Amethyst. “What is a ‘hell’?”

Amethyst snorted. “Nevermind.”

Crossing her arms, Amethyst huffed a sigh and looked into the distance. Technically, she was supposed to look out for the forced fusions, but only one had shown up within the past few days—nothing she couldn’t handle.

Why was Peridot doing this for her? It wasn’t like there was anything to gain from this, especially when Peridot had betrayed Homeworld only about a month ago.

“Hey, P-dot.”

“What.”

“Aren’t you afraid of Homeworld? Why you goin’ back with me?”

“Well someone has to drive the ship.” Peridot’s expression was hidden among the wires.

“ _Yeah,_ but Yellow Diamond—“

“I have my sources on Homeworld.”

Amethyst furrowed her eyebrow and decided to drop the subject.

Peridot’s voice disturbed Amethyst’s wandering thoughts. “So why are _you_ going? Surely _you_ have nothing on Homeworld. You haven’t even been there.”

There was no way Amethyst could tell her the _real_ reason why. Amethyst bit her plump lip and shrugged. “I…just want to see what the other amethysts…and quartzes are like.”

Hey, it was most of the truth.

“I _told_ you what you’re supposed to look like.” Peridot stared at the other gem. “You do know that you will be _shattered_ if you get discovered, right?”

Amethyst shrugged. “I want to find out what…what they _really_ are.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” Peridot waved her wrench at Amethyst. “If you’re not doing anything, bring me the so-called ‘ _blowtorch_.’”

Amethyst slid down the rock with a huff and landed with a thud, grey dust picking up on her white boots. She walked over to the neat toolbox at the base of the ship and crouched down to rummage through the multitude of tools and devices she couldn’t even try to figure out how to use.

“Hey, I found it.” Amethyst stood up again, holding up the tool in her hand so that Peridot could reach down and grab the tool. After a good thirty seconds, Amethyst looked up, her eyebrow raised. “Uh, P-dot? What’s the hold up?”

Finally looking up, Amethyst saw Peridot stare out into the distance in horror, her whole body trembling. Amethyst followed her gaze out into the darkness.

“Shit.” The blowtorch left Amethyst’s hand and landed on the rocky ground with a clang.

The shadows in the distance were hazy, but there was no disguising the multiple limbs and malformed bodies dragging themselves closer and closer to the build site. The noises emerging from the creatures sent chills down Amethyst’s spine.

“T-there’s…so many…” Peridot’s voice was weak, sweat beading at her temple and down her neck.

Amethyst reached to her chest, pulling her whip out her gem with a loud crack.

“You can’t take them all!” Peridot shrilled. She clutched the side of the ship. “We have to return to the warp! What are you doing?”

“We can’t have any them destroy the ship.” Amethyst held her stance. “I’ll take them.”

“You _can’t_.”

“I have to!” Amethyst’s voice rose a bit more than she wanted to.

Peridot stared at the purple gem, before throwing her hands up in surrender. “Why do you care so much about this stupid ship anyway?!” Peridot let out a more-than exasperated groan and returned to the headboard of the ship.

Amethyst chose to ignore her. Leaping up in the air, she threw her whip arm forward, slicing through the closest fusion, the gem falling to the ground with a loud clunk.

Amethyst’s mind automatically went to autopilot. She couldn’t afford to freak out or panic in this case; there were way too many fusions to panic. Rolling up into a ball, she launched herself forward. Dodge right, duck, throw whip, pull out two more, punch, dodge again, roll away, flick whip, flick whip again—

A limb grasped her left arm.

 _Shit_.

“ARGHH!” Amethyst threw her arm forward, bringing the last gem fusion over her head and crashing to the hard ground. The impact alone poofed the creature.  Then the gem fell to the ground…and disintegrated.

Amethyst blinked in disbelief. “What the hell--?” She stepped back from the gem as the wind picked up the fine powder of the gem and carried it away. Then she felt pressure around her torso, constricting her movements and breathing. In the middle of the grasp was her gem.

She…she had never breathed before.

Panic rising in her chest, Amethyst saw her life flash before her eyes.  She tried to pry the large fingers off her small figure, using her rapidly diminishing strength to try and free herself. No she was too young to die. She had so much to live for—

Pearl. Fuck.  _No, she couldn’t leave her. Not the way they were._

Tears squeezed out of Amethyst’s dark eyes as all the strength left her. _Fuck_.

Then she heard…shots. They seemed so far away. Then Amethyst fell to the ground, her gem hitting the ground, making her whole body ache. The forced gem shard fell next to her with a thunk.

Looking up, her hair falling around her face messily, restricting her view of Peridot, holding up a fairly scrappy gun. The tiny gem’s chest rose and fell in deep breaths of panic.  Amethyst rolled over, coughing and catching her breath.

“A-Are you okay?” Peridot’s voice shook.

“Fine.” Amethyst croaked, covering her eyes with her right forearm. She didn’t speak until she could breathe calmly. “How the hell did you make that so fast?”

“The pearl made me read some…articles about human weapons. She was teaching me how to read your human language.”

 _Of course she was_. Amethyst felt her gem glow with gratitude. Even if she wasn’t with her, Pearl was still saving her ass.

She finally sat up, groaning at her bruised chest. Amethyst stood up carefully. “What was that, a jasper?”

“Some quartz. I couldn’t…I couldn’t tell.” Peridot said quietly.

Amethyst reached over to the fallen gems and quickly bubbled each one carefully, sending them back to the temple. She touched each one gingerly, afraid that they would all break and turn to powder like that other gem before. She was pretty sure Peridot hadn’t seen the disintegrated gem. Would she…should she bring it up?

“I’m going to finish the coding.” Peridot called from the ship. “Then we should go back to the warp.”

“Yeah.” Amethyst muttered. “We should.”

\----------

Amethyst and Peridot landed in Steven’s room. The house was quiet; Steven was in his bed, sleeping. Lion slept at his bedside. Steven stirred at the sound of the warp.

Peridot’s voice was low. It had taken a while for her to get the concept of sleep. “Where should I leave the tools?”

“My room. You can stay there too.” Amethyst’s gem created the curvy line tracing down the temple door, presenting the entrance to her cave-like room.

“We won’t lose the tools this time?” Peridot’s voice was dashed with reprimand.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it.” Amethyst waved her away. “I’m going to get some food.”

“Get me cookies.” The door closed behind Peridot and Amethyst made her way to the kitchen.

Opening the fridge door carefully, Amethyst surveyed the food, grabbing Peridot’s cookies and grabbing some bread and cheese slices for herself.

“Amethyst?”

Amethyst turned, with alarm, still shaken from her day in the kindergarten. But it was only Steven, peaking out from underneath the covers.

“Heya, Ste-man.” 

Amethyst must have sounded not herself. “Are you okay?” Steven looked concerned.

“Yo, when am I not okay? I’m great.” Amethyst forced a smile and let out a laugh. “You worry too much!”

“I know. You’ve just been away with Peridot all the time. I never see you.” Steven sighed. “But you’re okay?”

Something in Amethyst’s core lurched. “Yeah.” Amethyst kept her smile. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“I think Pearl wants to talk to you, but she can’t for some reason.” Amethyst watched Steven curl up in his sheets for security. Lion’s ears flicked.

“Really?” Amethyst couldn’t hide her gem glow in the night light. “What about?”

“I’m not sure. I think she’s just worried about you.” Steven’s voice was soft. “You guys have been fighting…right?”

He was so observant. Amethyst felt a genuine smile grow on her lips. “Nah. We’re fine Steven! I’ve just gotten busy with Peridot.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Steven looked content. “That’s what I thought. I trust you, Amethyst.”

Amethyst’s stomach lurched and suddenly she wasn’t as hungry anymore. “Yeah. You bet.”

“Good night, Amethyst.”

“G’night, little man.” Amethyst put back her bread and cheese and carried the cookies back to her room with a purple flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olivine can be made through sedimentary rocks bc of its composition, but olivine is rarely found with quartzes in nature. 
> 
> The disintegrated gem will come up later. I promise. 
> 
> Also i'm weak for peridot having a crush on amethyst. let her BE GAY. LET HER LIVE.


	7. Erosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst is thirsty and Pearl is also thirsty and sad. 
> 
> Also bumped the rating to M.

Amethyst opened the door to her room and rubbed her face with a sigh before making her way through the piles of trash. Heart heavy, she felt her feet drag across the rock floor of the temple and to her favorite cave-corner of the room.

She felt like shit.

She hadn’t been in her room for four days. Peridot had been making huge strides with the spaceship, and Amethyst was there to protect her, even though there weren’t any more fusions after the hoard days before.

Amethyst dragged herself to her nice cave and threw herself into a comfy mattress with a thunk. Was what she planning to do worth it anyway? There was no way she could get away with the repercussions of leaving _for Homeworld_ and ditching her friends. The Crystal Gems would think she’s a traitor; Amethyst didn’t know if they would take her back if she returned.

And what if she never returned? Could she survive on Homeworld? Or would she be eaten alive?

Amethyst closed her eyes and found her mind wandering to the older, slim gem who was so goddamn graceful, it made her gem glow a little brighter. Even though she was in turmoil about what she was about to do, the thought of Pearl was extremely comforting; everything about her exuded beauty—even though Pearl hated to be called beautiful. She missed hearing her voice, her melodic voice floating like flower petals in the air, the feel of her surprisingly sturdy legs beneath Amethyst’s head, the feel of her thing fingers intertwined in Amethyst’s long lavender hair. She missed Pearl’s thin lips on hers.

Maybe leaving Earth wasn’t a good idea after all…

Amethyst rolled over to her side to face the gray-purple, cracked walls. During that brief moment of desperate gasps and fingers gliding over smooth, stark skin, Amethyst went to the ends of the earth and back. During that moment, all on her mind was Pearl, the gem she had a crush on for the longest time, and how her thin fingers could tug on Amethyst’s long mane, how the smallest gasps could escape her thin lips, how in just a second, Amethyst could tug her sash lose and pull her teal shirt over her shoulders and—

Amethyst swallowed at the thought of her tongue rolling over Pearl’s chest. Amethyst bit her lip and tentatively inched her fingers past the waistline of her leggings. It had been a while since she had touched herself; she barely had privacy to even sleep by herself anymore.  

Amethyst ran two fingers against herself, contemplating the thought of Pearl’s mewls when Amethyst would pressed her thigh between Pearl’s willowy legs, when she heard footsteps draw closer to her cave. With a small groan, Amethyst sat up and rubbed her face. What was she even doing?

“Amethyst.” The purple gem cursed herself as she heard Pearl as she peered into the cave.

“Yeah.” Amethyst tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. A small part of her wanted to pick up the thinner gem and completely ravish her. Amethyst swallowed her dry throat.

“Where have you been? Garnet has been looking for you all week and we can barely find you. We need you at the barn to make the—“

“Yeah, yeah.” Amethyst jumped to her feet and sighed in exasperation. “I’ll get going.”

Pearl crossed her arms over her chest, and Amethyst tried to suppress the image of Pearl’s small, pale breasts against her own supple lips. Amethyst mumbled a small curse under her breath. Damn her and her dirty mind.

“What are you doing here anyway? I’m gonna come out eventually.” Amethyst grumbled and passed by the taller gem who cleared her throat.

Pearl’s eyebrow furrowed, forming a pained expression. “Garnet…thought it was best if I came to get you.”

“She wants us to talk, doesn’t she?” Amethyst rolled her eyes, her gut twisting in annoyance.

Pearl didn’t respond.

Amethyst whipped around, waiting for someone to break the silence. The light taps of Pearl’s ballet shoes only added to Amethyst’s indignation. Even when Pearl pissed her off, she was still so goddamn attractive.

Amethyst let out a growl in frustration. She tried to ignore the startled expression on Pearl’s face. “You’re the most _fucking_ stubborn gem I’ve ever known!”

Pearl’s startling blue eyes stared. “Amethy—“

“ _You_ know what’s going on. _I_ know what’s going on.” Amethyst crossed her arms. Her eyes narrowed  and Pearl’s throat shifted as she swallowed.

_So what are you gonna do about it?_

Pearl closed her eyes and with a visible sigh, sat down on the rock bed.  Amethyst knew she was measuring her words, just as she measured the sugar she put in her tea. “Amethyst, what I did was…impulsive.”

Amethyst snorted.

“A mistake.”

Amethyst glared at the taller gem, and she flinched.

“Yeah, and mistakes are bad.” Amethyst muttered, and Pearl looked up in horror.

“Oh no, Amethyst, I didn’t mean—“

“Yeah, I know how you feel about _mistakes,_ Pearl.” Amethyst knew she was cutting herself, using her own insecurities to get some reaction out of Pearl. It was horrible of her.

Pearl looked down at her hands, her thumbs rubbing circles into the other.

And Amethyst waited.

Then she felt Pearl’s fingers at the front of her shirt pull her in.

Pearl’s hands traced down her waist and to her thighs before gripping them firmly and catching Amethyst’s plump lips in her thin ones. Amethyst half expected Pearl to pull back; instead she was surprised when Pearl leaned into her hungrily, earning thick fingers intertwined in her pink, feathery hair. A moan almost escaped Amethyst’s throat when Pearl bit into her plump bottom lip and tugged. Their lips moved desperately against each other, gasping into each other mouths. Breath hot on Amethyst’s lips, Amethyst felt herself lean back until her head met the rock bed, Pearl above her.

Stars, if she had a heart, it probably would have stopped. Pearl was so goddamn beautiful; her short heart was tousled, bright blue eyes dilated, her lips parted ever so slightly, her cheeks with a light dusting of blush, her thin chest heaving quickly. Amethyst watched Pearl’s throat as it swallowed quickly and her little blue tongue dart out to lick thin lips. Amethyst lifted her head to lean to kiss that graceful neck, but all she met was air.

Pearl sat back up, thin fingers grasping at light hair. Amethyst also propped herself up and observed the other with worry. Were those tears in her eyes?

“Pearl?”

Pearl shook her head. She avoided Amethyst’s gaze. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore, Amethyst.”

Amethyst let the silence hang in the hair. She stared at the wall, a suggesting tugging at her gut. _No. We shouldn’t. It wouldn’t help our relationship._

 _But I want to_.

Amethyst took a quick breath. “Hey, P.”

There was a weak noise from Pearl.

“Let’s fuse.”

Pearl’s hand dropped and she stared at Amethyst. Amethyst, this time, refused to look away.

“Hey, I’ve…I haven’t been feeling that great either. Let’s try it.” Amethyst shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. “I kinda need it too.”

A small understanding smile appeared on Pearl’s lips as she stood up. Pearl’s thin fingers lingered by her thigh before holding her hand out to the smaller gem. Amethyst took it carefully before standing as well.

Amethyst held the other’s hand so gently, as if she put any more pressure, Pearl would break. They started slowly, Pearl’s movements lethargic. Amethyst felt awkward, her dance slightly off beat. Amethyst felt her chest tighten as Pearl moved closer to her, spinning slowly and then turning into her. Amethyst watched Pearl’s gem glow softly.

Their forms turned to light, melding together. The gem struggled to take form, shaking and squirming, persistent at trying to fuse together, to make someone stronger than its parts.

Then Amethyst fell to the ground with a thud, Pearl inches away from her.

Amethyst groaned, rubbing her head. When she opened her eyes, all she could see was Pearl’s bright eyes staring back at her in disbelief.

“We…” Pearl’s voice was small. “We…didn’t fuse.”

Amethyst swallowed slowly. “I don’t know what happened.”

Pearl sat up, rubbing her gem gently with a pained expression. Wordlessly, she stood, bringing her arms to her chest cradling herself.

“Just come to the barn when you can…” Pearl walked out of the cave, a few moments later, the temple door closing behind her.

Amethyst closed her eyes again, laying her head back down on the cold, hard slab of rock.

She fucked up. Really badly.

They were falling apart. And it was all because of Amethyst. She wasn’t strong enough; there was no way she was holding her weight anymore. And Pearl was feeling the repercussions of it. Tears stung Amethyst’s eyes.

The door to the temple opened and Amethyst muttered a curse before sitting up with a sigh.

“Amethyst!” Peridot’s voice echoed through the cavernous room. The pitter-patter of her steps drew close and her head peered into the cave. “Amethyst.”

“What’s up?” Amethyst tried to fake her stability.

“It’s done.” Peridot’s chest heaved with fast breaths. “We can go.”

\----------

Pearl didn’t go back to the barn.

Pearl breathed in the sweet scent of fresh strawberries and opened her eyes to the beautiful purple evening sky above her.

She really shouldn’t be back at the strawberry fields. She had things to do, a drill to work on, Steven to take care of, yet…

Why couldn’t she fuse with Amethyst?

Pearl bit her thin lip. She thought she was ready again. She thought she wanted to fuse with her, to become someone with Amethyst. They had worked so hard to be where they are now.

Then what happened?

Was it the kiss? Did the kiss put Amethyst off? Did Amethyst not want the kiss and was Pearl too aggressive? Pearl’s lips still tingled from Amethyst’s plush lips. She loved how Amethyst’s heated breaths felt on Pearl’s lips. Amethyst had kissed her back—no doubt—and willingly let Pearl lay her down and—

Pearl swallowed her dry throat. She hadn’t had the urge to completely ravage someone like that since Rose. Even they had done _human_ activities.

Then, was it _her?_

Pearl’s eyes filled with tears. They leaked down her face and Pearl could feel a sob emerge from her throat. She hated crying. She did it all the time and it was something she always wanted to grow out of; it as a sign of weakness. She didn’t cry that much with White Diamond because if she cried she’d be punished. But she had cried almost always by herself, when her mistress wasn’t looking. She didn’t know it at the time, but it was a sign that she knew that what she was, what she was doing, was wrong.

Maybe weak was just who she was. Even after all she had been through, she still needed to come to terms with it.

Amethyst always let her cry.

Amethyst.

Pearl sat up suddenly, her eyes dry. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, and there was the feeling of a stone being dropped in her gut.

Something was wrong.

She stood quickly, running as fast as her long, spindly legs down the floating landscape and through the fields of strawberry. There was something wrong, something horribly wrong. She could feel it. Her mind raced. Was it the drill? Had something happened to Steven?

Pearl sprinted to the warp, activating it as fast as she could and materializing at the barn. Her legs burned and her lungs hurt from stress, but she kept on going.

The barn looked the same, except for the fact there was crying. Steven was sniffing at the base of the barn, his legs curled up in front of him. Pearl jogged over to the small gem.

“S-Steven?” Pearl asked softly. “Is there something matter?”

Steven muttered something through his folded arms.

“What?”

“A-Amethyst. And Peridot.” Steven wailed. “They’re gone.”

Pearl stared at Steven. “What are you saying?”

“Garnet followed them to the kindergarten. They built a ship. They’re…they’re…” Steven pulled the strings of his hoodie for comfort. “I can’t believe after all that time, Peridot still—“

“And you said Amethyst—“

“She’s GONE, Pearl.” Steven’s cheeks streaked with tears. “I don’t know why, you two have been fighting and I _don’t know why_ —don’t act like I don’t know!” Pearl flinched at Steven’s words. “You guys barely talk now, and no one is telling me why. Is it…is it me?”

Pearl placed her hand on the boy’s arm. “N-No, Steven, it’s not. It’s not your fault at all. Amethyst and I—“ Pearl swallowed. “Where’s Garnet?”

“She went back to the kindergarten. She’s not happy.” Steven buried himself in his hoodie.

Pearl rubbed her thumb against Steven comfortingly. After some shared silence, Pearl spoke. “Are you ok?”

“I guess.”

Pearl lifted the boy into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around him. He held her back; he knew how much this was already affecting her. He was so smart.

She pulled back, looking at the boy. “If you need me, I’ll be around. Just call me.”

“I know.”

Pearl stood before brushing Steven’s hair through her fingers, and stepping away from him. As much as she still wanted to comfort Steven, she respected his agency; he was fourteen. She trusted him to call for her when he needed help.

With a grunt, Pearl tugged open the door of the barn, the moonlight spilling shadows into the darkened room. Pearl’s gem glowed.

Her fingers traced the copious amounts of blueprints and scrap metals on the workbench. The drill was outside now, but all of her and Peridot’s hard work was here, designing the drill, choosing which materials were best, planning out the code.

Pearl fingered through the large pile of graph paper before she reached the bottom of it. With a raised brow, she pulled it out. The paper was more rough; she could have sworn she saw something like this in Amethyst’s room.

She could recognize Peridot’s meticulous handwriting anywhere. Each curve of the blueprint was exact. The list of materials were on the bottom of the page. Everything was in black and white; Pearl had gotten the habit of using color—it helped her see things better.

Peridot had made a blueprint for the ship.

Pearl felt a twinge of jealousy in her gut. It was a beautiful design, but why did Amethyst have to go to Peridot for the ship? Did she not trust Pearl to do a good job? What could she be possibly hiding from her?

Grip tightening on the large piece of paper, Pearl turned her head towards the entrance of the barn. “Steven?”

“Yeah?” Steven peered into the barn.

“Could you get me my tools at the temple? I’m going to need a lot of material.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erosion has to do with their relationship eroding apart.


	8. Compression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeworld

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED graduation happened, and then summer, and then i just.......................forgot........
> 
> ANYWAY here it is. A little longer ch this time. Just like y'all like it

The stars twinkled in the distance, but Pearl knew that she could reach them.

Taking deep breaths, Pearl’s hands were white against headboard. Usually, when she used something she created with her own hands, she felt proud; somehow, this time felt different.

Steven waited patiently next to her, sitting in the rotating chair. His nervousness and uncertainty was palpable. Pearl wished she could comfort him, but there was little she could do: she wasn’t sure what was going to happen either.

She remembered the many days and nights she spent working on the ship. Even though she technically never had to sleep, she worked herself until her legs shook, her mind couldn’t think, and her gem felt heavy. Steven would often crawl out of his caterpillar sleeping bag to beg her to come back inside the barn and rest for even just an hour, but each time she ignored him. She had to get it done. She didn’t know how long Amethyst and Peridot had flown to Homeworld or how far behind she was behind them.

Pearl placed her head gently on the headboard of the ship, earning her a small startled glance from the young boy.

“Pearl?” Steven’s voice was tentative.

Heaving a sigh, Pearl dragged herself up her head following her shoulders and rolling back. Opening her eyes slowly, she looked at Steven with a smile. “I’m okay, Steven.”

“You don’t look okay, Pearl.” Steven looked at Garnet who sat on the floor of the small ship for confirmation. Garnet gave a short nod.

“I’ve only been working for a few days.” Pearl gave a short laugh that hung in the air and settled into awkward silence. Pearl looked back at Garnet; she was shaking her head.  Avoiding Garnet’s knowing gaze, Pearl looked back to the stars. She had barely even noticed when they began to swim before her eyes.

Steven’s hand appeared in the corner of her eye, holding a small tissue. A small part of her warmed a little bit as Pearl took the tissue gratefully.

“I know you’re worried, Pearl.” Steven started quietly. “I am too.”

Pearl’s knuckles tightened on the accelerator; as much as she appreciated Homeworld’s advancements in technology, nothing was like the old tech she had rebelled with.

“I’m just a little exhausted, Steven.” Pearl gave the boy a reassuring smile, dabbing her watering and tired eyes with the tissue.

Pearl felt the tension growing; none of the beings in the room would address the matter at hand or the possible reason they were on the trip in the first place. She hoped it would stay that way.

“Um, Pearl—“ Steven looked back at Garnet for guidance. “—Do you…like Amethyst?”

Pearl heard the young boy yelp as she jerked the steering mechanism, steadied the ship, and sat back with tired sigh.

“Of course I like Amethyst, Steven.” Pearl laughed. She heard Garnet groan softly in the back.

“I mean _like_ like.” Steven’s brows bunched together.

Of course, Steven was way too observant to not discuss the elephant in the room. She was a fool to undermine him.

Yet, her body urged her to say no, to deny the relationship she and Amethyst built the past few years. A part of her still clung to Rose, clutching to the remnants of a broken relationship that could probably never be again. Yet, it happened; Pearl knew it was real. She had nothing else but that, so she kept Rose in her heart.

She knew that wasn’t the whole story.

Pearl wanted to close her eyes and take a few calming breaths before answering Steven, but she stared at the dark void in front of her. She was so goddamn tired of stupid _feelings_. Amethyst ran away, just as Pearl had always run from her feelings before; she didn’t like her back. That was the end. That was that.

Steven looked at the tall gem expectantly.

“Amethyst and I are close.” Pearl cleared her throat. “I want her back safe, as well as Peridot.” She looked down at the boy briefly. “Don’t you?”

Steven gave a short nod before sliding off the rotating chair. Pearl heard heavy steps and then heard the chair creak as Garnet sat next to Pearl, leaning her arm casually against the back of her own chair.

“Pearl.”

“Garnet, this isn’t what I need right now. I need to _find_ h—them.” Pearl bit her lip.

“You can’t let this fester.”

“It’s not _festering_.” Pearl spoke gently through gritted teeth. She looked at the fusion cautiously. “When we get to Homeworld, you know you have to—“

Garnet sighed heavily. Pearl breathed deeply and stared ahead; Garnet’s loathing for Homeworld wasn’t a secret.  Pearl just hoped Ruby and Sapphire would be able to stay together.

“Don’t think Steven doesn’t notice.” Garnet warned. “He can sense something between you two.”

Pearl felt her demeanor harden. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Pearl, you’re protecting yourself when you don’t need to.”

“I can make that judgment just _fine._ ” A twinge of annoyance twisted in Pearl’s gut.

Not taking her eyes off the stars in front of her, she heard Garnet sigh and leave her with the darkness.

\----------

Pearl’s insides tightened as she counted down the light years to Homeworld.

Frankly, Pearl had no idea how to get onto Homeworld. She had been away too long and her ship was bound to stand out—part of her regretted the old-fashioned headboard and controls.

Just as panic started to arise in her gut, she felt a small hand gently touch her tense arm and smiled at the blue gem. Sapphire’s presence was always reassuring. Her other hand was pressed against her partner’s. Even though they had to defuse for Homeworld, they wanted to stay together for as long as they could.

“Remember, Ruby will pretend to be Sapphire’s escort. If they ask for your identity, say anything to mind except your actual identity. They’re bound to have a list of the defected gems.” Pearl’s lips pursed in worry. “I’ll go off on my own and pretend to be a lost pearl. I’ll figure out some story along the way.

 _Not one gem pays attention to pearls in the first place_. Pearl thought with some reassurance. It helped when she initially rebelled. It helped her see Rose when she was shackled to White Diamond.

“And Steven.” Pearl looked behind to see the young boy looking at her expectantly. “You will stay in the ship and stay hidden.”

“ _Pearl_ —“

Before Pearl could say something, Sapphire’s voice stopped her. “We would let you come if we could, Steven. Anywhere but here.”

Ruby nodded. “It’s not safe.”

“But _guys_ , I really want to help! Isn’t that why I came in the first place?!” Steven groaned. The curious part of him wanted to see Homeworld.

“I know you want to be useful, and you refused to be left home, Steven. But if they find you, a human-gem hybrid, who knows what they will…do.” Pearl tried to hide the crack in her voice. “I won’t lose you as well.”

Silence hung in the air until Steven finally sighed in resignation.

“There will be food and water for you in the back, Steven. Meet back here in 36 earth hours. Ready?” Ruby looked determined. Sapphire held Ruby’s hand tighter.

Without a word, Pearl scanned space. Homeworld’s orbit was buzzing with ships leaving and entering, warp pads of all sizes emitting bursts of light that sparkled on Homeworld’s surface, a multitude of peridots’ holograms glistening and reflecting like Earth’s city lights from space. If Pearl didn’t despise the planet, she would have thought of it as…beautiful. A technological masterpiece.

Turning her controls to follow the inflow of ships to Homeworld, Pearl wished she had put more thought into her plan. All few hundred or so of the ships were controlled by peridots, rubies, and other “common” gems. No pearls. Anxiety grew in her stomach.

She hated this.

To her right, she saw Ruby and Sapphire phase their old Homeworld clothing on. As much as she knew she had to change her appearance, she didn’t want Steven to see her…well…

Keeping her gem out of sight, she stood up straight. Maybe her posture would give her confidence. It always did.

Adjusting her grip on her controls, she leaned the ship down for a landing. After Rose, she hated how she had to conform, how she had to fit in with all the other ships, how she had to angle her decent to the exact degree, how she had to land a precise equal amount between the other ships. Pearl was a stickler for organization, for neatness, but not for Homeworld’s totalitarian control.

After landing her aircraft safely, she nodded to the two short gems. The two squeezed each other’s hand briefly before letting go and walking out of the door Pearl had opened. Pearl had already assumed her demure posture. Luckily, she couldn’t see Steven in the main hub. He was already hidden.

Pearl phased on her old uniform. She cringed at the tiny leotard that plunged low on her chest, the diamond cutout on her breasts that practically shackled her to this planet, and the distracting pearlescent veil that laid on her head and connected to small, tight rings on her wrists. She made her way quietly to the open door when she halted and cursed silently. Breathing deeply, she phased her pink hair to white.

As soon as Pearl stepped outside, she shivered.  She forgot how thin the atmosphere of Homeworld was. It was uncomfortable—not breathing and feeling unbelievably cold. Looking up, she could see the nearby galaxies and star systems clearer than she ever could back on Earth, even if she tried millennia ago. 

“Of course not. But I do want a tour of the planet. It has been such a long time since I last visited.”  Sapphire spoke kindly to the nearby peridot of the area. Pearl walked quietly to the other side of the ship. She touched Ruby’s arm gently as she passed by and caught the smaller gem’s eye. With a short nod, she snuck off into the grid of thousands of ships. A part of her blessed the fact her kind usually went unnoticed.  

Shoulders back, head down. She heard the whiz of spaceships fly above her, the nasal sound of peridots climbing in and out of their ships, and the thunks of quartzes pass by as they slapped each other on the back and laughed heartily about some latest conquest or spar.

Pearl fiddled with her trembling fingers, holding them just at the center of her torso—a habit she had picked up and then forgot after she had left Homeworld. Her body didn’t seem to cooperate but her mind did. She was undercover, so she had to find a mistress.

Walking around the stone pavements of Homeworld, Pearl tried to remember where she was. According to the amount of debris and muck on the ground, she was in the slums. The buildings and structures towered a mile high above her, but on the surface of the planet was the ugly truth of Homeworld. So much had changed; it was definitely dirtier than the last time she was on this planet. There were so many more ships with more advanced technology, more gems roaming on foot. Some things never changed though. Quartzes and aristocratic gems were the ones in the ships. Of course the common gems—the rubies, the peridots, the zircons, the topazes—all of them were to stay on the ground, where they belonged.

Something else was different though. Everywhere she turned she found cracked gems staring blankly into space. It was hard to see, but if she stared into the debris long enough, she could see a finger wiggling around to find the rest of its gem’s pieces. Shivers ran up her spine, and Pearl wrapped herself in her veil and turned away.

As long as she was quiet, she could be unseen. And it wasn’t hard to know what area of Homeworld she was in—White Diamond’s insignia was branded on almost every flat surface.  On the horizon, she could see White Diamond’s residency, the tallest structure on this quarter of Homeworld. Above her were the quartzes’ and aristocratic gems’ quarters. It wasn’t hard to find a wandering quartz doing an off-handed deal with a zircon. And luckily, quartzes always seemed to take a liking towards pearls.

 _I guess it’s a place to start_. Pearl let out a short sigh.

Surely enough, all she had to do was turn a corner to spot a large Smokey Quartz walking down the narrow streets of ground level Homeworld. Taking a deep breath, she approached the large gem.

“I’ve seemed to have lost my mistress, would you please—“ Pearl spoke quickly in panic. Stars, she almost smiled at the quartz’s immediate concern. She did have a soft spot for the soldiers; as big as they were, they were kind and caring on the inside.

Pearl felt a large hand on her shoulder as she buried her face in her hands. She flinched for good measure. “What is the matter, miss?”

“I can’t find her anywhere, and _Diamonds_ , she’s going to _shatter_ me if I don’t return to her soon.” Pearl rubbed her gem—an old habit she had when she was under White Diamond. Her actions were erratic and panic-driven, but every word and gesture she gave to the Quartz was calculated. She wasn’t made for servitude. She was always made for rebelling.

“ _Please_.” She took a shaky breath, careful not to look directly into the Smokey Quartz’s eye.

“I have the rest of the planet rotation off, miss. I will gladly escort you to the White Diamond Headquarters so your owner can find you. Don’t worry about a thing.” Smokey Quartz’s genuine concern was so sweet, Pearl almost felt bad to be taking advantage of her kindness. But she was right; quartzes have soft spots for pearls. Smokey Quartz hadn’t even asked who her mistress was.

“T-Thank you…” Pearl shakily took the quartz’s hand (Pearl found that odd because most mistresses never allowed a pearl to touch them unless she was ordered to do so) and followed Smokey Quartz to her ship.

She knew how to be the perfect pearl. It was a very specific equation: stand behind everyone, stay quiet until spoken to, eyes down, head down, don’t snuffle your feet, stand perfectly still.

She did that the whole ride. Even so, she would look outside to stare at the beautiful gem structures as they traced slowly by, the whirrs and whizzes of the spaceships zipping past them, and watch the planet sparkle with life from above. From the outside, Homeworld truly was a beautiful planet.

Pearl turned to her feet again when she heard Smokey Quartz chuckle. “You haven’t been in a ship before, huh?”

“Permission to speak?”

“Of course, miss.”

“It’s been a long, long time.” Pearl spoke softly.

Breathing a short sigh—careless of her—she realized she didn’t really hate Homeworld. She _couldn’t_. If not for Homeworld, she would not have gotten on Earth. She wouldn’t have met Rose.

She smiled to herself, remembering at every spare moment she had, between every meeting and every chore she needed to do, she would almost run to her and Rose’s secret spot. They’d be as intimate as they could be in that short time. They would hold each other, kiss each other, even touch gems if time allowed. She’d laugh when Rose spoke about rebellion in whispered tones because it all seemed but impossible. A _pearl_ as a rebellion soldier? Absurd. But she put her trust into Rose. The thought made her feel warm.

She had been in love.

And what now? Did she trust Amethyst as much as she did with Rose? Wasn’t this _why_ she was here in the first place? Because she _didn’t_ trust her?

No, Garnet had always said that love took time. It took _work_. And Pearl was in—

Pearl felt her stomach drop. In love? _She_ was in love with messy, loud, obnoxious, and impulsive Amethyst: the gem who Pearl was always cleaned up after, who Pearl had to scold, who drove Pearl absolutely insane.  

 _What else could it be?_  Pearl smiled to herself. Amethyst also took care of her when Rose died. She was the only one that did. Amethyst always had her back and genuinely cared for her. And she was a wonderful kisser.  Pearl felt a blush on her cheeks.

It didn’t take that much longer for Smokey Quartz to stop the ship at White Diamond headquarters. Pearl thought about Smokey Quartz and thought about how _wholesome_ she was. She had no pearl, steered her ship herself, and was _kind_ to her.

Smokey Quartz opened the door to Pearl. “I’ll take you to her. I’ll be at your side.”

Pearl smiled. It was genuine. “If you would allow me, I have to decline. You are very kind to go out of your way for me.” She couldn’t let Smokey Quartz go with her. There was no way she could work undercover with a quartz on her back.

Pearl was wary of the raised brow. “You’re different, aren’t you?”

“I’m just lost.” Pearl let her voice waver. “I’ll be ok. I’ll find my mistress soon.”

She turned quickly, heading to the large doored entrance with the enormous White Diamond brand on it. Then she felt a strong grip on her wrist and she was whipped around. Smokey Quartz expression was of disappointment.

“I’m sorry, miss. I can’t let you do that.

“You’re the renegade pearl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Compression: building pressure to create sedimentary rocks, the building pressure on Pearl, the building pressure on the plot YOU GET IT


End file.
